How to Manage Fighting Twin Toddlers (Under 2 Years Old)
This topic right here is why I started this blog. I entered into this time period where both of my twins were fighting (and biting) and I had no idea how to cope or manage it. All of the material I found online was just for one child, which involved removing one of them from the situation (not an option when you have to parent the other one), or with an older sibling (who should understand your asks).
I cannot count the number of times I sit on the floor, holding both of them while they are crying - one as the instigator and one as the recipient, but this is what I've learned:
1. Supervise Sharing Activities
More often than not, my twins are fighting over a toy or desirable item. We have two of most of our "hot commodity" toys, but definitely not everything. I also find that sometimes they are fighting because of a difference I will never know or understand (i.e. when eating apples, one is often better than the other....even when they are both red, Gala apples with a stem)....
But, when there is an item they are sharing, I try to stay close...when the fights happen I intervene in two ways:
(1) If there is a toy that one girl had or is emotionally attached to at the moment (for us, Kinsley was obsessed with Ellie the Elephant ). When Jayna tried to steal it from her, I would often gift preferential treatment to Kinsley, since she had been attached to it. The same went for books and other small items.
(2) I take part in the sharing, making sure we are all getting an opportunity to use the item in demand. Last night it was sunglasses, despite having a ton of them, both girls wanted this particular gold pair. I quickly insert myself into the situation, using and playing with the sunglasses, before switching from the girls. I find they are less like to hit or bite me than they are their sister.
2. Know the Triggers
If there is a single new toy around or they find Mom’s phone, be prepared for a fight! Although I am convinced they will always find something to argue over, eliminating triggers can make life easier. When possible, I also try to double up on toys. Pro Tip: Find your local Buy Nothing Group on Facebook. We have gotten many of our duplicate toys there!
I also know if the twins are tired, they are more likely to fight...before nap time and in the evenings always seem worse. Staying close by and removing trigger items during peak tired times will help avoid a double grumpy pre-bed meltdown.
I have also found there are some queues they give before really letting go. Often before biting they have a high-pitched squeal, which quickly meant, RUN, before the bite actually happens.
3. You've Got Two Screaming Kids, Now What?
Pause and give them a hug. At this young age, they have big emotions with a small vocabulary and it is challenging for them to articulate their frustrations. I find that a hug quickly disengages them in their anger while acknowledging their feeling, "I am sorry you are _______, but it is not ok to bite your sister."
4. Get Some Fresh Air
Fighting seems to be way worse at home. Some days are better than others, but I find getting out of the house for a quick walk while quickly lift their moods and get them focused on something else.
5. Give Yourself Grace, This Too Shall Pass
Remember to give yourself a break - you are juggling a ton and this is just a phase (trust me: I tell myself this almost daily)
